Family. A word so powerful, and yet so overlooked these days. The meaning of the word is individualistic, definitions would vary from person to person, and many different definitions would be precipitated. It's a personal thing, a bund formed at birth that you have no control over. I would not trade my family for anything, and although i don't always show it, they mean the world to me. I stand firm on the ideology that family comes before all. To coexist in a functioning healthy family one must makes sacrafices and be sacraficed for, longing to only please those you love most. Love and family must therefore coencide to produce any healthy "relationship", and with this love ( as it is with any love) you must give up things. You must set a side personal agendas to meet the needs of the family. No distance, heights, nor depths can seperate the undieing love of a family. A family longs to be a part of eachothers lifes, participating in events and milestones, overcoming trials and tribulations to stand and support those you love. This to me is my individual definition of family. I thank my parents for instilling these values in me, and I hope to further establish them.

Sometimes I wish I could see into the future. I wish I could just know what was going to happen with my life, just a glimpse of what lies ahead for me. I have often pondered over this concept, would it actually be that beneficial? I really don't think it would. See if we knew what our future held for us, wouldnt life become boring? We would become more apt to just live our lifes according to what we saw rather than how we would have before. Relationships you knew would end would be avoided, as would many other things. To me all of this would be more harmful than good, yes alot of pain might be saved, but also you would miss out on a lot of growth. I have had my share of regrets, times I wish I could take back, but when i realy analyze it and break it down.. everything I did has made me into who I am today. I learn from my mistakes, so I won't repeat the same. I'm not done learning i clearly know that. There will be many more heart aches and pains from stupid decisions I make, but that is part of me growing up. I don't wish to see into the future, I don't even want to have the slightest clue. I am one hundred percent happy with where I am at. Sure things get hard, and times get rough but I wouldn't trade my family, friends, or girlfriend for anything.

Why is it in love that in order to get ahead we have to take a few steps backwards? You see I came up with this crazy yet ingenious theory ( or it is at least to me).... so here goes nothing. It's almost like blowing glass. Glassblowing as it is defined is forming glass while its in a molten and semi-liquid state... To reach this molten state it must first be put into an extremely hot fire. The fire then turns the glass into a semi-liquid state, which is when the glassblower comes into play. At precisely the right time the glassblower must remove the glass from the fire and begin to form it. In the end with what started as a plain piece of glass, which might have had flaws or impurities, turns out to be a beautiful work of art. You see, you can look at is as love being that piece of glass, with many flaws or impurities. To rid our selves of these we must first face trials, hardships, good days, bad days, laughs, smiles, tears, joy, sadness and etc. These trials and hurdles are what break us down to vulnerabilty, but right when we think we can't take it any more and the burdens of life begind to wear us out.. we come out of that fire and start to become shaped or molded. In the end it's a beautiful masterpiece... and you realize, all the things you went through only shape who you are as a person or people. It all seems worth it, yet at the time you wanted nothing more than to be out of them. Weird I know..
B.T

Shot through the heart!

No, No, not in a literal sense. Have you ever been blind-sided by a realization of something that cuts so deeply to your inner self that it feels as if a dagger has been pushed and twisted right through your heart? I think it happens to everyone at certain times in their lives. It has happened to me quite frequently lately. It's like an earthquake has come and shaken your foundation, everything you believe to be true, right, good, and etc., and moved you off of this. Helplessly, you feel like an uprooted tree, with all of your nerves exposed to the brutality of this world. How could I have been so ignorant? How could I actually believe that I was right and you were wrong? It is all so clear now, but at the time it was as if I was looking through a haze, I had a contorted sense of life and truely believed I was right. At the time I would have kicked, screamed, and whatever other means it would have taken to be right! Now, it all seems so foolish, but that is rebellion is it not? In the bible it says it's equal to the sin of witchcraft... and when you actually strip it down, and really analyze that rebellion, it's as if You in deed were under a "spell" because you ARE right and no one can tell you no.. and if they do then as bluntly as possible, SCREW THEM! The worst part throughout this whole ordeal I hurt and really hurt the ones I care and love mostly... But what do I do now? Now the the storm has past and all involved are left trembly amongst the rubble? How do you suck your foolish pride and say sorry?.... let me in..

B.T